i thought today will be just another day..
but you made the difference.

the lil' surprises, the lil' blessings..

i'm feeling so loved and blessed!
thank you for making today memorable (amidst the mugging).

thank you love~

promise post-exam celebration(s)! :) can't wait!

psst, takuya.. happy birthday! :) will definitely catch HERO! love u!!

...

i feel weak.


the crazy weather is tormenting me.


my brain is torturing me with haunting flashbacks.


i am weak.


damn it, just let me off.

when emotions got stuck in between..
when the good, the bad - juxtaposed..
it's really horrid.

so much so that i have no idea what should i be feeling.

that moment,
i wonder if i should flash my plastic smile..

then i realise it's not a question of "should",
rather, "could" i do it?
rationality is severely impaired at that moment in time.
paralysed.
lost to something innate and subconscious -
wretched emotions.

the more i tried to conceal,
the clumsier my expressions became.

gosh, how dumb can i be?
i can't even smile/talk to you!

thou shalt maintain a high level of EQ.
thou shalt not stoop low to thy's level.
thou shalt not shed a single tear for thee.
thou shalt not be bothered with thy's immaturity.

childish and immature, to trust you are an adult.

im not sure if the "thou"s, "thee"s, and "thy"s are used correctly or not.. im just.. frustrated!

i need an encouraging hug.

but im afraid if you hug me, i will drop all my pretending front and cry.

no, that cannot happen.

why's everything so contradicting?

hello,


i have a plastic smile.


behind the smile, behind the facade,
how much do you actually know about me?

dear friend, how are you doing?

we used to sit around the same table, eating from the same stall during recess time.



we fretted about school work together.
we used to lounge in the libraries, cafes, and even the airport to mug for important exams.



there were endless topics to talk and laugh about.




(postnote: ganbee! i seriously didnt deliberately miss out ur pic! who ask you don't wear black for the "black society night"?! *wink*)

we used to hug and cry our hearts out together.
we used to hymn in the bus and need not care how the others look.



we shared secrets.
we could sit in a corner and talk about the same topic for hours, without getting bored.



we wrote postcards to each other, even though we got to see each other almost everyday.

we gave little gifts to each other, and special occasions were made more meaningful because of you.



dear friend, how are you doing?

things took a twist of fate and our paths diverged. the oath of "friends forever" seem, taken for granted. reality is cruel and painful, and we can do nothing about it.

dear friend, how are you doing?

finally.

exams is over -- yet i don't feel joy or disappointment, whatsoever.

it frightens me how scary i can be. my i-don't-care attitude is getting out of hand and that's scary. a thousand conflicting thoughts dashed across my mind and yet, i allowed the devil to control me eventually. what kind of crap cognitive dissonance is that. freak.

exams always make me realise what a loner i can be. loner, not lonely. people have cliques to go school/home together. i don't. basically i don't find a need to.. more importantly, i'm afraid that i might run out of topics to talk about. then what? silence? if so i'd rather make do with a hi-and-bye.

to my kakis who smsed me during the exam period.. i'm sorry for the reply turnaround time to be 24hrs (or more). i genuinely forgot to reply most of the time. then i realise if i were to lose that bit of touchpoint, i would be detached from you guys already. and more than often i'm the one not making the effort. sigh.

selfish me.