i hate it so much. it's hurting me.

i dont know why those flashbacks keep coming back lately.

and i hate it.

stop haunting me.

ive had enough.

this may be a little late.. but.

happy birthday mr liu zhiming. eh, well.. u must live up to reality that there's no such kingdom of urs in existence in the world k. and accept the fact tt im never ever groom (!!!) by you!! muaha. other than that, study hard for the exams k. i can understand how agonising it is to have birthdays falling on exam days!! >_<>

happy valentine's day to all my attached frens =) stay blissful! must have been real romantic right? =D

happy friendship day to allllll my friends! :) ---

huiting, my dearest roomie, she handmade this mirror for me ok!! so sweet right! =) love ya loadddds! and and rainbow, thanks for the chocos! im so touched ok! the rose was diy right? at first i thot u bought the rose thingy can! goodness ur diy skills have improved tremendously! muackz! =p and to all who msged me happy vday, thanks =)

i wasnt expecting much for vday actually, basically its just another day... correction: another TOUGH day. sigh. was busy doing ob assignment la. so sian. but i survived! yeah!!

well.. well... well...

hur im really too drained liao. till the next time we meet.

free. i am finally free - for a while.

the hated wednesday lessons are over... how glad am i! well... some of the updates that you may want to know:

- accounting quiz on tues: finally its over.. thot it was manageable.. well? but i will still take the conservative approach. can pass im more than happy liao..

- financial management quiz last week: for the souls who remembered how i grumbled and whined last week abt the financial mgmt quiz and stats? haha.. i got back the results for the financial management paper today. well, actually i was really prepared to fail the paper liao.. but!! i didnt fail! oh my gosh. so when i looked thru the paper, well, i was really guilty cuz my tutor was really lenient. 0_0 so lenient that if i were him, i would have straightaway fail this lousy script! gosh. i really really owe him the marks can. im determined to earn it back from the next quiz!

- financial management class today: haha, it took me sooo long to realise that actually my tutor is really cute? haha. after like 7 seminars, i finally realised that he can joke!!! (ie. he said that you cannot ask students "do you have any problem", and should ask "do you have any questions" because the former would mean seeing the doc! --- alright, you may find tt its not very funny, but when he said it, it was really! haha.. goodness =p) and and and! he has SUPERB memory ok! i think he cld remember the whole seminar class' names + surnames, with the correct faces! no wonder he is in the banking and finance line. haha. and he really wants to put in the effort to teach us correctly? i feel more at ease in his class k. no pressure to hand in on time, but he makes sure that you have to hand in anyway.. for the answers! how smart! and actually he could have use the easy way out by asking us to do proj so it can save time and he dun have to go thru the weekly hassle of marking tutorials and the few test papers.. but he did anyway! so cool!! i will not disappoint him! i will really do my best to catch up! =) if i have qns, i will know who to turn to anyway! =D

- organisational behaviour and design critical thinking assignment: wretched proj. spoilt all my plans for fun at poh's hse as mj post cny reunion. sigh. i really chionged for this dodo thing can. i was doing this proj since last sunday or monday. and i did the proj until 3am today! can u imagine that!? and continued to touch up the proj during break. sooooo tired arh! urgh. dun even noe if the way i interpreted the qns will be correct not. urgh. anyway its handed up and im just so glad. phew.

- and and and. one of my greatest (?) adventure (?!): i became a hair model for this rather famous brand. haha. i know this is hard to imagine. u mean shujuan can be a model? ha! is it meant to be a joke?! i know u must be thinking this way.. but yeah, i am. and i think im just lucky eh.. i went to rebond my hair last friday.. so now, haha.. i think i look neater ba.. and the seminars' next week. erm, basically im suppose to show my rebonded hair to the ppl attending the seminar.. most prob hairstylists.. haha. wonder how it'd be like then. gee. the process of rebonding my hair was good. i felt really safe in their hands.. yeah, and had fun there. =) it was a good experience. and i hope i wont screw up the upcoming seminars. i shouldnt have the capability to do so ba... hmmm.. and so today in class, quite shy la. cuz everyone's exclaiming, "hey shujuan! u've got rebonded hair!" then i will be like, "yeah, haha.. obvious meh?" then they would ask, "how much did u rebond ur hair?" then i will sheepishly answer, "erh... it's free.." then they will be like so stunned and asked why... and. obviously i will feel sheepish can. cuz im not exactly attractive, let alone be a model? so, felt quite weird la.. dotx.

haha.. what a long entry.. that's abt it. =)

before ive no time to do so, 2 things i wanna to talk about:

1. jiemin: hey er. im sorry to be late in the bday greeting to u. im really really terrible remembering dates. and tt day was too tired after the long mahjong session tt i forgot to midnight sms u. next day was feverishly chionging for tutorials and studying for test. so i kind of forgot abt it. but! i must say, i really remembered ur bday's coming soon a few days before ur day. i really didnt deliberately forget abt u. sorry. it's just me and my weakness in remembering figures. and so.. happy belated 20th birthday girl. :) p.s. and what were both of u gossiping abt?!

2. i really detest, abhor people calling me a bimbo. wth. so can i put it across to u in my kindest tone to please stop it. it gets me really irritated. once or twice, fine, u are just joking with me. more than that, i take it as u are questioning my abilities, or mocking me. other than that, i will accept the rest by switching on my "auto-filter" mode. this wld be one of my rarest moments to be openly irritated by such comments. so, stop it. period.

regarding friendships. i just cant help but to question myself if i am a true friend to you? how do i define friends? or am i a loner who just need company along the way?

another rare day where my emotional quotient gets swung to the extreme end.

i wonder if i can manage this sem. it gives me jitters.

bad week so far.

nth seems to be right.

monday - chionging for accounting and financial mgmt tutorials --> and i happily missed out the stats project. as well as stats tutorial? sigh

tuesday - studying for financial management --> how fruitful was it.

(black) wednesday - financial management quiz -- im so sure im going to fare badly, seriously. stats project, we did it the wrong way.. and i didnt contribute much. free rider again. bah.

what's happening to me? even my tutorial mates are asking me this qn. im getting lazier, not preparing for tutorials, sloppy, not conscientious.. i blamed it on cny. but is it really true? if it were cny, why others can keep pace with their work, and i cant? im developing this attitude problem.. dotx.

and now im going to rectify it.

i want to study.

ive wasted so much time. one quiz down, one proj down. but im positive that im not going to score for them. so? work hard my dear girl? to make up for lost time and marks?

please.

i felt so guilty when i cant get things right. i cant. i just cant.

so far, cny has been almost identical for the past few years - steamboat, tk gang house visits and getting visited by relatives. excited as i was, but, the excitement wears out fast too. especially when it was the day before sch starts. cny mood's gone. and here comes the fear and guilt for not doing i should have accomplished during the cny period -- studying and completing some tutorials.

anyway, uploaded pictures of my cnys.. :

cny 05 at mingshu's house

"cny" gathering at jiemin's house - 6 jan 06

the group of us at huiting's hse on 2nd day of cny 06

actually this hasnt been a good week for me. i lived in constant fear and weariness abt understanding the lectures, doing tutorials, completing group projects, and other whatnots. in a way i felt burdened by the loadful of stuff i have to accomplish, and at the same time, i felt that ive burdened the others too. e.g. i didnt exactly do my fair share for accounting group work. although i did the transparencies and tried to collate the group's answers, i felt like a free rider. .. correction. i am a free rider. g r e a t.

a few others also.. tutorials, sigh. im lagging le. others are moving forward, yet im stuck here. the irony is that, i did nth much to salvage the current situation. just what am i doing all along.. when i attempted some qns and got stuck, felt lousy when others exclaimed at my questions, "you mean you don't know how to do?"

now im overwhelmed with more projects and tests, on top of all the tutorials and studying... tell me 24 hrs is enough.

ps. pardon my grammar.. gosh. atrocious.