i didnt want to blog till after the exams.
but well, a sudden surge of emptiness hits me.

i don't know what's going on.

today's the last day of semester. exams up in 6 days' time. and damn, my specs have to break today. today! wth. how am i going to survive without specs (yes i can see, but i don't wish to strain my poor eyes alright) through the exam period?

tell me this is not an omen. urgh.

and no, the first paragraph is not linked to the third paragraph. i won't feel empty because i broke a pair of old fragile specs.

bah. shall blog more after the exams.

i have operant conditioning.

i declared a break from the horrendous projects and whatnots. i need a breather. sigh.
anyway, met up with the mj gang last evening. i was torn between "to go" or "not to go", cuz the workload's piling up like crazy. but haha, eventually decided to turn up. bday celebration.. wont be fun enough if people arent turning up!

so.. it was a bday celebration + dinner for zming (which was badly due) and bee! haha.. and so, we planned a "surprise" bday celebration for the two of them, although the surprise wasnt too surprising after all.. lol.. a pic poh and me took before meeting the queen and king. going tcc to get the cakes.. haha.. and poh was MESMERISED by the bladers.. lol.. but.. bah, not my cup of tea and i thought they were erm, obstructing the traffic?! alright alright, im so mean.. that was kidding.

me and poh! i look soo haggard! >_<

yup, we enjoyed the food, albeit the fact that it was a little too crowded for my liking. haha.. the waiters and customers kept squishing through our table! and yeah.. i know, my fault for obstructing the traffic! lol..

we took neoprints... the usual drama + screams for selecting the pics! lol.. we are still so jc-ish! lol.. those days. oh forgot to mention.. zming was so jealous abt my hair deal. dotx.. the rest of the ppl were amazed. that goes to show.. u guys are not reading my blog! boohoo.. alright.. coming up next, pictures! =) taken from my vs6 :) (ok zming, i know ur k750i is better.. )

the group of us! haha.. huili and bow went to change coins for neoprint session. poh? she deserted us for her supper!!! lol*

me and bee!! =)

huili and i!

uncooperative liu zhiming!

ive enjoyed myself, it was a night where i really stop to fret over the curricular nonsense. sigh. alright.. ive blogged enough. time to start real serious work le! jia you!! =)

p.s. tag me tag me!! its sooo quiet can. bahhhh..

its been such a long time before i have some time to stone around and decide to write an entry.

my life' s revolving around endless projects, tutorials, and tests.

im going crazy.

this is such a crazy world.. how much are they expecting from me? they want me to be an all-rounder, but where on earth do i have the time to do so when all the academic matters are enough to kill a fragile soul?

frankly speaking, i have seriously thought to myself: am i suited for uni? my peers are able to cope so wonderfully well with all that ive mentioned PLUS tuition and other job assignments. but here i am, at the comfort of hall, no job assignments and anything, unable to finish what i ought to.

trying to be a hardworking student

since i'll be home on friday - saturday (which is rejuvenation), i will always whine to my mum, i don't want to go school, i don't want this, i don't want that.. bah.

and i always dread, really DREAD the feeling of leaving my house and packing to stay in hall on sat nights or sundays. i hate that feeling. like ive to be put through yet another round of mental, physical torture again..

sigh. i feel so.. demoralised. unaccomplished. lagging behind... why am i doing this to hurt myself? and now, i cant turn back. im tied down with loads of loans. bank loan for uni fees and computer loan. haix. shujuan. u got to push on.

this board has never fail to inspire me

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ok.. random stuff. pictures galore.

*post-note: sheesh. i just cant upload the other pics! is my comp lagging or wad. well.. till the next time then.*

i hate it so much. it's hurting me.

i dont know why those flashbacks keep coming back lately.

and i hate it.

stop haunting me.

ive had enough.

this may be a little late.. but.

happy birthday mr liu zhiming. eh, well.. u must live up to reality that there's no such kingdom of urs in existence in the world k. and accept the fact tt im never ever groom (!!!) by you!! muaha. other than that, study hard for the exams k. i can understand how agonising it is to have birthdays falling on exam days!! >_<>

happy valentine's day to all my attached frens =) stay blissful! must have been real romantic right? =D

happy friendship day to allllll my friends! :) ---

huiting, my dearest roomie, she handmade this mirror for me ok!! so sweet right! =) love ya loadddds! and and rainbow, thanks for the chocos! im so touched ok! the rose was diy right? at first i thot u bought the rose thingy can! goodness ur diy skills have improved tremendously! muackz! =p and to all who msged me happy vday, thanks =)

i wasnt expecting much for vday actually, basically its just another day... correction: another TOUGH day. sigh. was busy doing ob assignment la. so sian. but i survived! yeah!!

well.. well... well...

hur im really too drained liao. till the next time we meet.

free. i am finally free - for a while.

the hated wednesday lessons are over... how glad am i! well... some of the updates that you may want to know:

- accounting quiz on tues: finally its over.. thot it was manageable.. well? but i will still take the conservative approach. can pass im more than happy liao..

- financial management quiz last week: for the souls who remembered how i grumbled and whined last week abt the financial mgmt quiz and stats? haha.. i got back the results for the financial management paper today. well, actually i was really prepared to fail the paper liao.. but!! i didnt fail! oh my gosh. so when i looked thru the paper, well, i was really guilty cuz my tutor was really lenient. 0_0 so lenient that if i were him, i would have straightaway fail this lousy script! gosh. i really really owe him the marks can. im determined to earn it back from the next quiz!

- financial management class today: haha, it took me sooo long to realise that actually my tutor is really cute? haha. after like 7 seminars, i finally realised that he can joke!!! (ie. he said that you cannot ask students "do you have any problem", and should ask "do you have any questions" because the former would mean seeing the doc! --- alright, you may find tt its not very funny, but when he said it, it was really! haha.. goodness =p) and and and! he has SUPERB memory ok! i think he cld remember the whole seminar class' names + surnames, with the correct faces! no wonder he is in the banking and finance line. haha. and he really wants to put in the effort to teach us correctly? i feel more at ease in his class k. no pressure to hand in on time, but he makes sure that you have to hand in anyway.. for the answers! how smart! and actually he could have use the easy way out by asking us to do proj so it can save time and he dun have to go thru the weekly hassle of marking tutorials and the few test papers.. but he did anyway! so cool!! i will not disappoint him! i will really do my best to catch up! =) if i have qns, i will know who to turn to anyway! =D

- organisational behaviour and design critical thinking assignment: wretched proj. spoilt all my plans for fun at poh's hse as mj post cny reunion. sigh. i really chionged for this dodo thing can. i was doing this proj since last sunday or monday. and i did the proj until 3am today! can u imagine that!? and continued to touch up the proj during break. sooooo tired arh! urgh. dun even noe if the way i interpreted the qns will be correct not. urgh. anyway its handed up and im just so glad. phew.

- and and and. one of my greatest (?) adventure (?!): i became a hair model for this rather famous brand. haha. i know this is hard to imagine. u mean shujuan can be a model? ha! is it meant to be a joke?! i know u must be thinking this way.. but yeah, i am. and i think im just lucky eh.. i went to rebond my hair last friday.. so now, haha.. i think i look neater ba.. and the seminars' next week. erm, basically im suppose to show my rebonded hair to the ppl attending the seminar.. most prob hairstylists.. haha. wonder how it'd be like then. gee. the process of rebonding my hair was good. i felt really safe in their hands.. yeah, and had fun there. =) it was a good experience. and i hope i wont screw up the upcoming seminars. i shouldnt have the capability to do so ba... hmmm.. and so today in class, quite shy la. cuz everyone's exclaiming, "hey shujuan! u've got rebonded hair!" then i will be like, "yeah, haha.. obvious meh?" then they would ask, "how much did u rebond ur hair?" then i will sheepishly answer, "erh... it's free.." then they will be like so stunned and asked why... and. obviously i will feel sheepish can. cuz im not exactly attractive, let alone be a model? so, felt quite weird la.. dotx.

haha.. what a long entry.. that's abt it. =)

before ive no time to do so, 2 things i wanna to talk about:

1. jiemin: hey er. im sorry to be late in the bday greeting to u. im really really terrible remembering dates. and tt day was too tired after the long mahjong session tt i forgot to midnight sms u. next day was feverishly chionging for tutorials and studying for test. so i kind of forgot abt it. but! i must say, i really remembered ur bday's coming soon a few days before ur day. i really didnt deliberately forget abt u. sorry. it's just me and my weakness in remembering figures. and so.. happy belated 20th birthday girl. :) p.s. and what were both of u gossiping abt?!

2. i really detest, abhor people calling me a bimbo. wth. so can i put it across to u in my kindest tone to please stop it. it gets me really irritated. once or twice, fine, u are just joking with me. more than that, i take it as u are questioning my abilities, or mocking me. other than that, i will accept the rest by switching on my "auto-filter" mode. this wld be one of my rarest moments to be openly irritated by such comments. so, stop it. period.

regarding friendships. i just cant help but to question myself if i am a true friend to you? how do i define friends? or am i a loner who just need company along the way?

another rare day where my emotional quotient gets swung to the extreme end.

i wonder if i can manage this sem. it gives me jitters.

bad week so far.

nth seems to be right.

monday - chionging for accounting and financial mgmt tutorials --> and i happily missed out the stats project. as well as stats tutorial? sigh

tuesday - studying for financial management --> how fruitful was it.

(black) wednesday - financial management quiz -- im so sure im going to fare badly, seriously. stats project, we did it the wrong way.. and i didnt contribute much. free rider again. bah.

what's happening to me? even my tutorial mates are asking me this qn. im getting lazier, not preparing for tutorials, sloppy, not conscientious.. i blamed it on cny. but is it really true? if it were cny, why others can keep pace with their work, and i cant? im developing this attitude problem.. dotx.

and now im going to rectify it.

i want to study.

ive wasted so much time. one quiz down, one proj down. but im positive that im not going to score for them. so? work hard my dear girl? to make up for lost time and marks?

please.

i felt so guilty when i cant get things right. i cant. i just cant.

so far, cny has been almost identical for the past few years - steamboat, tk gang house visits and getting visited by relatives. excited as i was, but, the excitement wears out fast too. especially when it was the day before sch starts. cny mood's gone. and here comes the fear and guilt for not doing i should have accomplished during the cny period -- studying and completing some tutorials.

anyway, uploaded pictures of my cnys.. :

cny 05 at mingshu's house

"cny" gathering at jiemin's house - 6 jan 06

the group of us at huiting's hse on 2nd day of cny 06

actually this hasnt been a good week for me. i lived in constant fear and weariness abt understanding the lectures, doing tutorials, completing group projects, and other whatnots. in a way i felt burdened by the loadful of stuff i have to accomplish, and at the same time, i felt that ive burdened the others too. e.g. i didnt exactly do my fair share for accounting group work. although i did the transparencies and tried to collate the group's answers, i felt like a free rider. .. correction. i am a free rider. g r e a t.

a few others also.. tutorials, sigh. im lagging le. others are moving forward, yet im stuck here. the irony is that, i did nth much to salvage the current situation. just what am i doing all along.. when i attempted some qns and got stuck, felt lousy when others exclaimed at my questions, "you mean you don't know how to do?"

now im overwhelmed with more projects and tests, on top of all the tutorials and studying... tell me 24 hrs is enough.

ps. pardon my grammar.. gosh. atrocious.

it's such a happy day today! i usually dread wednesdays cuz the lesson ends at six thirty!! gosh!! but today is just sooo cool! i cant help but to love today! *muackz*!! =D

ok. financial management seminar. bah. my tutor droned on today again. but still manageable (i guess i got used to his teaching style and tone.. dotx!). the fm assignment was also done, so my 1st 3 hrs in class was fine.

after class, we checked out the nbs week -- rapture day 3! lol... we were attracted by the free lunches, $4 movie tix passes and.. the goodie bag!! we didnt get the free zinger burger from kfc cuz the queue was real long... so we decided to just walk ard the booth and check out the goodie bag queue instead.

and so... along our way to figure out what's going on ard the booth, this mascot (a supposedly street-style, spunky and short [oops!] thingy with 3 strands of erm.. "hair") tapped on my shoulders! i was amused by tt strange looking mascot (cuz it aint cute nor its funky), and i just looked, smiled and turned away, continuing to figure out with my friends where to get goodie bags (u dun hv to know my obssession with freebies! lol) then tt thingy tried to be entertaining.. (i also duno what he/she's doing tho.) he/she persisted to get my attention! then this girl came, supposedly the "spokesperson" for the mascot (the mascot is wearing a big head gear under the hot sun). and according to the spokesperson, he/she is trying to be frens (?!) with me! haha! then guess what i did, i just whacked the poor mascot! lol! violent inclinations. we almost ended up fighting.. (ok.. tt's abit exaggerated.) she said the mascot wanted to take photo with me. lol! my frens were like so hesitant to take pic together, so i took some time to draggg my frens into the pic with tt strangly looking mascot! lol... after the "pic taking session", the mascot and i "reconciled" with a handshake. so funny right! lol. im still so amused by it!

after tt mini adventure, we figured out the area to collect goodie bags. and. haha. apparently no one dare to queue ar. before us were like only two or three ppl. (and shortly after we queue, the queue grew longer.. and longer! haha!!) so in the midst of queuing for goodie bag, we got ourselves some nice nbs ring files too! cool! =)

well, while waiting to get the goodie bag, we were actually standing at a very good spot where we could gawk at proj superstar finalists! leon, chanel, sugi, william and sandra! ooh! heard them singing quite a few songs. when it was leon's turn to sing solo, lol, cameras, camera phones everywhere! *snap snap snap* and obviously with my perfect spot, i used my fren's hp to snap quite abit of their pictures. lol. overall not too bad, just tt chanel's performance was a tad disappointing. perhaps she was too engrossed to get the spirits up tt she sang quite abit of off-keys. hmmm.

then was the fear for organisational behaviour class. cuz there's this individual presentation thingy where 3 students would be randomly chosen to share their insights with the class. so stressed! i didnt prepare much. and i was sooo scared i'd be called upon. well, someone must have heard my prayers. i wasnt call upon to present! phew. but i promise to prepare well enough for the next presentation (tt is for the one after the CNY week)

after tt, i was soo relieved! felt so perky even tho i had to meet poh bow bee for movie right after my ob class! watched memoirs of the geisha. perhaps i expected too much from the movie. didnt captivate tt much as i thought it would. but 2 things i was very impressed with. (1) gong li (hatsumomo). her acting was stunning. i gasped at how she played the role so well. (2) the young girl (young sayuri) she is sooo gorgeous. haha. and she acted pretty well too! =)

such a good day! haha. ive blogged long enough. hv fun reading. =)