when emotions got stuck in between..
when the good, the bad - juxtaposed..
it's really horrid.

so much so that i have no idea what should i be feeling.

that moment,
i wonder if i should flash my plastic smile..

then i realise it's not a question of "should",
rather, "could" i do it?
rationality is severely impaired at that moment in time.
paralysed.
lost to something innate and subconscious -
wretched emotions.

the more i tried to conceal,
the clumsier my expressions became.

gosh, how dumb can i be?
i can't even smile/talk to you!

towards jj lin, i always thought his packaging was more towards cutesy-boy-next-door kind.

then he launched cao cao, we see how jj lin is slowly evolving - but still not to my liking as a consumer.

now, my views for jj lin took a 180 deg change.

his latest album, westside, is a BLAST.

his latest mv went beyond sappy love stories for mainstream pop songs.

presenting to you, the killa, uncensored.

the struggle between gold and evil. of unrequited love. of possession. of a tweed definition of "everlasting love" - a definition not accepted by the mainstream, termed "psychotic".



this mv is cool. analyse how the director string everything together. i shan't be a spoiler.



enjoy.

16 june - felicia's big day! (:

cy and i met up earlier to decorate + slot pics for felicia's photo galore. as usual, i wasn't kinda early and got to rush cab there. oh man, can i stop being a late queen?! *slaps forehead

well, i was kinda late because.. i was busy rushing this out for felicia --



omg, all the twirly thingy took so long la. i used uniball black pen with a 0.38 tip ok. no black marker.. so keep sketching and colouring to thicken the twirls.

anyways.

the group of us rushed down to breeks at marina square. felicia booked the whole breeks for her bday! how cool!

it was a western-food buffet - serving grilled chicken, mushroom soup, pasta.. etc. yum!

and best of all.. we had a special concoct -


felicia's paradise

serious, the drink is specially concocted for felicia! its kinda fruitty and sweet.. so now we know felicia likes things all sweet and.. fruity! haha. (:

then bday girl cut-cake time!
breeks crew lead the bday song sing-a-long.. and there, felicia all smiling and blissed!


blissful felicia


blows the candle and yeah, officially 21!

we got bored while waiting for the photo-taking session and started to take pics ourselves! ha.



then it was our turn - we were the last batch actually, lol.



and to end it off, we gave felicia a "birthday kiss"! (:




we had chocolate cake and yeah.. bloated la! felicia kept asking us to eat more, 'cause there was quite abit of cake left and breeks don't allow takeaways - which i don't understand why, aren't the food paid? can't they bring home? why should breeks waste food by throwing them away? weird. bah.

open present time!


a big butterfly (the bday girl's fave) stuffed with the pic galore thingy + our well-wishes! (:



ling and cy got to go for another friend's party (yeah.. the rounds of birthday parties to attend are overwhelming! don't you think so?), but before that, we still took pics! haha.





and lastly.. here's to felicia, have a great 21st! we want to see you happily attached soon hor! (:

im still online at this kinda hour!

strange thing is, i don't feel sleepy at all.

meeting all kinds of weird personalities online.. kinda re-living the mirc days.

difference is that those days i was more naive (ok, dumb is another word), plus there aren't much (if there's any) pictures you can upload online. so during those mirc days you are virtually talking to a nick.

now people are more it-savvy, and hopelessly narcissistic.

man, i just knew someone who's like damn freaky.. -_-

others, well..

i'd just say such it-savviness make people judge the book by its cover even more. soul-mates are crap. no one gives a damn. getting a date by whichever mean is of top priority.

can't blame la.. i mean how much are you able to tell from the computer screen?

but such hastened "friendships" (if they are able to be classified as one) make me just want to treasure real friendships even more. call me a technosauras if you want, i just don't like it.. hastened. im still used to the old protocol of seeing the person (in person) and getting to know more from there.

i believe human connection is much stronger than.. internet connection.

dear junie,

hey, how are you?
do you still remember me?



haa, had a bad day at work yesterday.. kinda reminded me of the qb clique getting scolded by random irate customers on the phone then. do you remember?

some time last year, we worked in the same company.



we only get to see each other during night shifts, if i'm not wrong.
night shifts, all the fun things we did.



your french manicure sessions (and i'm still amazed by how were you able to do such a neat french)


taken with your uber-cool samsung slide phone! (:

watching dramas/movies on the laptop



doing d-i-y accessories, thanks to xiaoqing and zibin

taking alot of photographs





blogging (because that was one of the few sites that were not blocked by company policies)



playing bridge and daidee




and the favourite gambling pastime for qbs - mahjong wins hands-down.

creating our wallpapers with paint tool, because we were all too bored


i just have to put this random face up. haha.

talking about school, bgr, random things and your boyfriend.



talking about your boyfriend,
are the both of you happy and blissful now? (:

occasionally i still catch your news on the papers.
i'm not too sure what happened to the other motorist..
from what i vaguely remember,
that was judged as a suspense case.

***

girl, i'm sorry.

i remember crying the moment i saw you lying there.
your family was so much stronger than myself
i just... couldn't accept the news when steven called.
weren't you fine the other day i met you in office?
it came too abrupt, too much to bear.

rationally, i should be telling myself that was it.
but irrationality got over me.
i hoped all that happened wasn't true, all these can't be happening.
perhaps there was still hope,
perhaps you could be saved in time,
perhaps you were still breathing..
until i saw you lying there.

***
i wished i could see you at work and have the usual girls' talk session together with the others.
i wished to see you busy preparing for varsity life.
i wished i could offer advice to you on courses.
i wished i could..

but i couldn't.

i can't do anything more for you, other than keeping you alive in my qb memories -
bits and pieces of the blurry then.

i pity a young life lost.
i pity a big dream shattered.

i abhor irresponsible drivers even more.

p.s. wonder if you see valerie over there? she's my jc1 first 3-month classmate, from chung cheng. she plays yang qin.. yup. if you see her, could you help me say hi to her? thanks (:

"I've given everything, my money, my pride etc... Am I going to give up my life as well? If my boy really loves me, will he drive so recklessly and risk my life? I really wonder... So why am I compromising to this extent? The only reason I can find is that, I love my boy alot!" -- wishinguponstaries.blogspot.com

love,
shujuan

thou shalt maintain a high level of EQ.
thou shalt not stoop low to thy's level.
thou shalt not shed a single tear for thee.
thou shalt not be bothered with thy's immaturity.

childish and immature, to trust you are an adult.

im not sure if the "thou"s, "thee"s, and "thy"s are used correctly or not.. im just.. frustrated!

i need an encouraging hug.

but im afraid if you hug me, i will drop all my pretending front and cry.

no, that cannot happen.

why's everything so contradicting?

im back! (:

still waiting for birthday party pics from friends, so i shall do a random update (again).

*nbs photoshoot!



this photoshoot is meant for the school to store our faces (in professional business suits) in their database. what for?

so that our prospective employers can match the resumes with the respective faces! -_-

why does it sound as if im meeting a prospective husband instead? gah.

don't expect too much from this photoshoot. there isn't any studio to speak of, just a makeshift corner in a room with the background stuck with white mahjong paper (yeah, that's our background for the photoshoot).

well, the professional bits may be the "stylist", who will advise you on whether your attire is appropriate and start using water nozzle spray to wet & style your hair.

or, the photographer. whom my friend loudly claimed that he looks so much like jack sparrow!

pirates of the carribean, anyone? (:

anyway, the photoshoot was pretty fast and a tad amusing to tilt the head at a weird angle (i.e. head move, shoulder don't move) and smile.

the rest of the fun bits actually happened after the photoshoot - in the washroom - where we started to take a whole load of pics! :D




we are so proud of this pic that we dedicated this pic to dearest felicia! *wink


never knew you could have so much fun in the toilet yeah? i bet.

*more clubbing!

guess what, we appeared on mumtazz.com! lol.


a bunch of people who can't drink and ordered loads of drinks. and hur, bloody mary is super not to our liking! -_-

went back to the same club with the company people.. and we took vip seats!



haha. got personal waiter to serve eh! and i always have to remind the guy, "less vodka, more cranberry please!" -_- drank soo much la! just look at the table!



thanks to eric, i got to know more "etiquettes" on clubbing. but no thanks eric who kept asking us to drink drink and drink! gahh.

and yeah, drink again while playing 5-10 with the interns. lol. don't understand how people have the energy to get high in midweek. don't have to work?! gah.

*hot air balloon!


nah, i wasn't up there in the balloon. was walking and it caught my eye. there you go..

wanted to experience it, but sigh, i reckon this is more fun for couples.. and heck, what's there to see in singapore? reservoirs, buildings or trees?

-_-

hello,


i have a plastic smile.


behind the smile, behind the facade,
how much do you actually know about me?

omgggg..

i can't imagine that to be my reaction. i'm so unfriendly!

i was on the bus this morning and i thought i saw my primary school friend.
anyway, i chose to believe that he's not my primary school friend and stood somewhere far away from him.

*buzz* *buzz* i received a sms from him, asking if i were on the bus.

"uh.. ya?"

i looked around.. spotted and confirmed him, waved.. and guess what? or should i ask what would you usually do?

you'd go up to him and talk right?

guess what, i chose to wave hello and TURNED AWAY from him! omg. and he's one of the few friends that i still (kinda) keep in contact with! what's freaking wrong with me.

thankfully, he's a nice chap. he gave up his seat, walked towards me (the standing area near the exit) and started a small talk.

urgh.

sorry friend. it's just me, don't know how to react yeah. =/

so.. the next time, if you see me.. could you make the first move and say hi, like what my friend did, please?

i don't think i'd know how to make the first move. im bloody passive. gah.